


Chapter 14 - HOME SWEET HOME

by Myril_Chan



Series: DAO [7]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Chant of Light (Dragon Age), F/M, Memories, Songs, dalish lullaby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:21:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27923719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myril_Chan/pseuds/Myril_Chan
Summary: My (dalish) warden is coming back to her people, but it doesn't happen as expected.And there are songs and apologies, and a flirting triangle, and a nervous breakdown.« She had returned to her people, but none of those faces were there. They would never be there again. All she had found in the forest was a clan of strangers plagued by death and despair. And even if she managed to save them, she would have to go away. She would never be part of her people again. This song, she would never sing it to one of her children in the light of the candle. It was all over. Suddenly the weight of her destiny seemed overwhelming, so heavy that she felt incapable of carrying it. Her only prospect would now be to face horrors until her blood irretrievably condemns her. She felt alone, abandoned. And for the first time since her departure: she wept. »
Relationships: Alistair/Female Mahariel (Dragon Age)
Series: DAO [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1964107
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

9:30 - Brecilian forest.

“I have something to ask you”, said Ymlaïs to the group, “Since we’re heading for Denerim, we’re going to pass along the Brecilian forest. That could be a good occasion to look for the dalish people who live there.”

"Feeling homesick?" asked Zevran with a smile.

Ymlaïs blushed: “Uh, yes. But we must try to rally the dalish to our cause in the war against the Blight anyway. So we might as well do it when we’re in the neighborhood, right?

Wynne nodded with a smile : “It is a very good idea,” .

"But how are we going to find these elves in the middle of the forest? “ asked Alistair. “It’s not like they don’t spend their time hiding from humans.”

"Well, my dear, it’s not like you had one of those elves with you», replied Ymlaïs with a reproaching gaze. “My clan had settled on the edge of the Brecilian forest before heading north and I don’t know where. So we won’t be able to contact them. But the keeper had talked about another clan that had been settling in the heart of the forest for a very long time.”

"You were neighbours but you don’t know where they are exactly? You never had any contact with them?" asked Leliana.

“Maybe our artcrafters for barter, or the keeper, but no, we never really got to know them. My people spend their time hiding from everyone, in fact” she spat with a firm look at Alistair, who replied with an embarrassed pout, “Even from their own kind. But I should be able to track them.”

“You “should”?” asked Morrigan with distrust.

“Yes, but it may take some time. I don’t know the part of the forest where they are. I propose that tomorrow we set up camp on the edge of the woods and a small team of volunteers could accompany me. When we find the location of the clan, we will come back for the others.”

"I volunteer!" exclaimed Leliana." Searching the legendary dalish people… This is so exciting!"

“I’ll come too,” said Alistair, “…. And I’ll hold my tongue, I promise.”

"I am also coming", said Zevran, approaching under Alistair’s grim look. He whispered : "Who knows what dangers lie in this forest, you will need someone to protect you."

"Surely not the same dangers as in the streets of Antiva, that’s for sure." Said Ymlaïs in the same tone but with a bit of irony. "Nothing in your way of expertise anyway. So just make sure it would not be up to **me** to rescue you during the expedition.".

“Um, the beautiful warrior rescuing the assassin in distress, don’t tempt me…”

"All right !" blurted Alistair, while standing up, "I think we’re done, we should go make our preparations, right?"

\---

The research was long and tedious. The three companions obediently followed their guide who scrutinized the forest, the bark of the trees, piles of stones, climbed to the top of the highest trees. Sometimes she would send her wolf on a track and understood - Maker knows how - if it was worth it to follow. When suddenly, an arrow whistled in the air to crash at Ymlaïs’ feet. She raised her hand for the whole team to stop.

“ _Aneth ara. Ar garas in Atish’an_ ” (1) she said aloud.

Five elven watchmen got out of their hiding around them. Alistair had a shiver, they were surrounded and had detected absolutely nothing of the presence of the Elves. How long had they been tracking them?

An elf with blond hair and tan skin approached. Her face was almost entirely covered by a tattoo similar to Ymlaïs’ and she wore an armor made of a leather that he had never seen: with green reflections which merged with the surrounding vegetation.

“Andaran atish’an, my friend, you have come a long way. I give you the welcome of our clan.”

(1) “Greetings. I come in peace”

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

"I am a Grey Warden, yes. Pleased to meet you. Nice… campfire you have, there."

Alistair had seldom felt so uncomfortable as he had since they started to look for the help of the dalish. These people and their way of life were totally unknown to him, and every time he opened his mouth, he attracted the wrath of Ymlaïs, to the point that he no longer dared to say much except this kind of trifles. He remembered the grim look she had thrown at him when he had mentioned the price of the halla andlers on the black market; if she had been able to throw thunder with her eyes, he would have died struck down. First, it was a stupid thing to say to someone who had such a strong relationship with animals, but in addition, the obvious love she had for her people had become a particularly sensitive subject since the announcement of the threat that weighed on them. The slightest word out of place caused sparks and Alistair was accumulating the blunders. He now measured the abyss that separated their two worlds. As she drew nearer to her own kind, she seemed to get away from him, and the complicity that had been forged between them seemed to be a distant memory.

Even more since the arrival of this elf in the group. The long blond hair that contrasted with his tanned skin, the strange charm of the “tatoos” that adorned his skin, his bold look, his confidence, his laid-back behavior, his elfness : Zevran was all that Alistair was not. And since he had openly expressed his interest in Ymlaïs (even though he still had her dagger under his throat), he was also everything that Alistair hated. “Monsieur” had attempted to assassinate them, and it only took a few nice promises and a few winks for him to come… swagerring under their noses as if nothing had happened. And now he allowed himself to openly court his benefactress! And it worked! Ymlaïs spent long moments talking with him and laughing at night camp, she even offered him a pair of gloves! Not that he was jealous, uh? Jealous of him! Pfff. But he could only exert a harmful influence on her, that was for sure. It was …

"So Alistair, are you coming or not?"

Leaving his thoughts, he realized that the whole group had risen and that he was the only one left by the fire.

Ymlaïs looked at him impatiently, Zevran had his unbearable smile in the corner: "Perhaps our friend prefer to stay and rest by the fire while we go to the rescue of your people?"

“Or maybe I’ll go with you just to make sure you won’t take the opportunity to stab her in the back.”

“If that had been my intention, my dear Alistair, I would have done so already, with or without your protection. While you yawn at a fire while the situation is… dramatic for example?”

“Say that again and I’ll...”

"That’s enough ! The two of you!" Interrupted the Dalish woman. Looking at the warden, she added in a slightly friendly tone.

“If you’re done dreaming, let’s go!”


	3. Chapter 3

Despite the gloomy atmosphere and the empathy she felt for these people, Leliana had walked across the entire camp wide-eyed like a child in front of a toy stall. She had traveled and seen many wonders, but nothing was like the feeling she had of being in the flesh among the legendary and mysterious dalish people. She felt like she had entered into one of the stories she loved so much. And yet, these people had nothing in common with all the things that were told about them. They seemed to live in absolute simplicity, everyone going about their daily activities.

Zevran seemed to share her opinion: “No dark rituals to pagan gods, no black magic, no human prisoners ready to be sacrificed or devoured alive. I am almost disappointed. At the idea of discovering the most secret people of Thedas I would have hoped for something more ... spectacular».

Nevertheless, this people gave off a feeling of exoticism: the tattooed faces to begin with, the statues of strange gods that scattered the camp, the famous aravels that were used as their dwellings, the almost complete absence of stone and metal, the sense of community that could be felt everywhere: people working mostly in groups, or gathering at the centre of the camp around the great fire and its storyteller always ready to welcome anyone in need, children who ran freely everywhere and whom everyone seemed to know. She was the stranger here. The looks that every person she met laid on her proved it. Their small group aroused extreme curiosity. However, despite the distrust of some and the dramatic situation of the clan, the Dalish welcomed them genuinely. The presence of one of their own had probably a lot to do with it, but still, she was ashamed to think of what Ymlaïs was going through with all the glances that lingered with contempt or defiance on the drawings that adorned her forehead or her long ears wherever she crossed humans.

Back at the camp, she sat next to the elf who remained walled up in boundless silence. She was not the same since they had entered the dalish camp: she had become hard as steel. Leliana approached her and put her hand on her shoulder.

"Are you all right?"

The elf sighed: “No really. I was happy to be back to my own people but I came back just to find them prey to a curse that sows death and threatens to decimate them. I still hear the groans of those who are afflicted by this evil and I see the gaze of their loved ones who will have to finish them if we do not find a solution… My heart is bleeding».

She clenched her fists and said, "I can’t wait to find this Whitefang and make it pay for what it’s doing to my people. To stop it. This waiting drives me crazy."

"Maybe I can take your mind off things with a few songs?"

The elf looked up at the bard. Werewolves, death, the curse, and she offered her songs as a remedy? No, it wouldn’t solve anything of course, but it was sincere attention and Ymlaïs smiled shyly at her, nodding to invite her to sing.

“I was just thinking about what happened to the elves and I… am reminded of a song sung to me, many years ago. It was when my mother died, and this wise elven woman comforted me and told me that we shouldn’t fear death, or hate it. Death is just another beginning. One day, we must all shed our earthly bodies to allow our spirits to fly free.”

“Hahren Païvel used to say much the same thing.”

“Then perhaps you know this song.”

_Hahren na melana sahlin_ \- Elder your time is come

 _Emma ir abelas_ \- Now I am filled with sorrow

 _Souver'inan isala hamin_ \- Weary eyes need resting

 _Vhenan him dor'felas_ \- Heart has become grey and slow

 _In uthenera na revas_ \- In waking sleep is freedom

_Vir sulahn'nehn_ \- We sing, rejoice

 _Vir dirthera_ \- We tell the tales

 _Vir samahl_ \- La numin we laugh and cry

 _Vir lath sa'vunin_ \- We love one more day

The beautiful voice of the bard felt like a balm on the heart, and she gradually relaxed. People were listening, captivated, Falon and Halani lied down peacefully. Only Sten and Morrigan remained insensitive (in appearance) to the beauty of these moments.

“Thank you Leliana. I feel much better indeed. Your songs remind me of the time I spent with my clan around the fire and the songs we shared together.”

“Do the dalish like to sing?”

“A lot. Our ancient language has been lost and we only know bits and pieces of it. This is why the ancient elven songs are treasures for us and are taught by the hahrens to all children as well as the stories of our people. They are a way of transmitting ancient knowledge.”

“It sounds … very serious.” 

"Yes." She chuckled. "There’s one I didn’t learn from the hahren. It’s a lullaby that Ashalle used to sing to me when she got me into bed."

“Oh ! Would you please … Sing it?”

“Sing it? Uh… I don’t know. I haven’t heard it for a long time and singing after you is a bit intimidating.”

“Oh please. I’d really love it !”

“Well, if you really want to...” Recalling her memories, she sang in a weak and insecure voice:

_Elgara vallas, da’len_ \- Sun sets, little one,

 _Melava somniar_ \- Time to dream

 _Mala taren aravas_ \- Your mind journeys,

 _Ara ma’desen melar_ \- But I will hold you here.

She remembered everything: Ashalle sitting by her bed in the light of a candle. Ashalle sewing in the aravel as she slowly fell asleep lulled by the sounds of the night birds. Ashalle opening her arms and caressing her hair, whispering sweet words to soothe her tears. Her voice grew louder as she plunged into her memories.

_Iras ma Ghilas, dal’en_ \- Where will you go, little one

 _Ara ma’nedan ashir_ \- Lost to me in sleep?

 _Dirtharal othlenan’as_ \- Seek truth in a forgotten land

 _Bal emma mala dir_ \- Deep within your heart.

She reminded the clan that welcomed her among the hunters (1). She could see Merill, rebuking her when she caught her doing mischief with Tamlen, the sweet Maren surrounded by her hallas, the loyal Fenarel, the compassionate wisdom of Keeper Marethari, the knowledge of Païvel the Elder, the wonders created by Master Ilen’s expert hands. Tamlen’s smile. Her Tamlen. Whose death she had not even had time to mourn. She had buried all inside of her to move forward. At that moment she realized how much she missed them. Her voice broke as tears began to roll over her cheeks.

_Tel’enfenim, dal’en_ \- Never fear, little one,

 _Irassal ma ghilas_ \- Wherever you shall go.

 _Ma garas mir renan_ \- Follow my voice

 _Ara ma’athlan vhenas_ \- I will call you home.

She had returned to her people, but none of those faces were there. They would never be there again. All she had found in the forest was a clan of strangers plagued by death and despair. And even if she managed to save them, she would have to go away. She would never be part of her people again. This song, she would never sing it to one of her children in the light of the candle. It was all over. Suddenly the weight of her destiny seemed overwhelming, so heavy that she felt incapable of carrying it. Her only prospect would now be to face horrors until her blood irretrievably condemns her. She felt alone, abandoned. And for the first time since her departure: she wept.

 _Ara ma’athlanvhenas_ \- I will call you home.

The grief she could no longer hold was pouring out into uncontrollable sobs. She was cracking. A leaden silence had reached the camp. Alistair intended to go to her, but Wynne held him back and shook her head negatively, preventing him to intervene.

Leliana approached her friend and placed her hand on her shoulder again. And then she simply waited. When the Elf seemed to calm down, she said to her gently:

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have insisted. If I had known…. But sometimes tears are a blessing. Cecilie always told me that they help wash our soul of what burdens us. For what it’s worth, thank you for sharing that burden with us.”

Ymlaïs lifted up her redded by tears astonished eyes to her companion.

“If you agree, I would like to sing one last song for you. It has always accompanied and comforted me in my moments of doubt.”

Ymlaïs wiped her tears and nodded silently and Leliana sang with her clear voice.

Shadows fall And hope has fled

Steel your heart

The dawn will come

The night is long

And the path is dark

Look to the sky

For one day soon

The dawn will come

The shepherd's lost

And his home is far

Keep to the stars

The dawn will come

The night is long

And the path is dark

Look to the sky

For one day soon

The dawn will come

Bare your blade

And raise it high

Stand your ground

The dawn will come

The night is long

And the path is dark

Look to the sky

For one day soon

The dawn will come

“It’s beautiful Leliana, thank you. What is this song?”.

The bard gave her her warmest smile: "It is a song from the Canticle of Light"

"Oh ! You mean the words of Andraste?".

What an irony! Here she thought to find comfort in returning home and had found only sadness. And it was this human who comforted her with a song from that religion that had done so much harm to her people. Yet a doctrine capable of producing such a bright and hopeful chant could not be entirely bad, could it? To Ymlaïs, at this moment, Leliana embodied the Andrastian faith in all its goodness and purity. Leliana, Wynne, Alistair, those humans she had learned to reject were good to her. How could she blame them for the blunders they made about her people when she herself had so misjudged them?

It was time for her barriers to break down and open her heart to the truth of the world. No, she would never return to her own people again. But was it such a bad thing? By becoming a Grey warden she could work to protect her clan, her entire people. They would still be in her heart. But perhaps there was room for others now?

She took the hands of the young woman in hers and said: “Thank you Leliana, thank you very much. You are a true friend and I am happy to have you by my side.”

Disconcerted by this unexpected burst of sincerity, Leliana was initially forbidden. Then she squeezed her friend’s hand, "We will do everything we can to save your people." Alistair and Zevran noded. “We are with you Ymlaïs. You can count on us,” said Wynne. She glanced away at the group. Sten paused and nodded silently, without departing from his stern gaze. Then she looked into Morrigan’s, who was pretending to look elsewhere. Feeling the weight of the others’eyes who were waiting for her answer, she ended up shrugging her shoulders: «If we must». It made Ymlaïs smile: a “Yes, sure”, would have been to much to ask.

“Thank you my friends. I am happy to have you all by my side. Tomorrow we will hunt down this werewolf and make him pay for what he is doing to my people. And we will win the alliance of my kind against the darkspawns.”

Her resolution was fierce. Whitefang had better watch its step. She was coming for it.

(1) See Chapter 4 : THE DOORS OF DESTINY - https://archiveofourown.org/works/26697145/chapters/65120674

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> INSPIRATIONS : 
> 
> Well... I like to imagine my warden as a imperfect person : heros are way more interesting when they can behave like asses sometimes, when they have weaknesses. Maybe because it make them be more like us and remind us that despite all our failure, there can be a hero in each of us. 
> 
> What surprised me when I wrote this part was how it made me ship again my warden and Leliana ! ^^. I just like how when boys are bickering for the girl, she would be the one really to be really careful to HER needs. Leliana is my warden sista ! ;-)
> 
> And also, as you might have notice, I love songs ! I love music in general, and I just love the songs of the DA games (I mean : can we take a few seconds to consider how AWSOME the music in DA games are!). Also when Leliana was recruited, I could imagine her singing around the campfire: soothing minds and spirits. 
> 
> Leliana Song can be found here (and in many other videos) :  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efa9Wr5j9Wo
> 
> Mir Dal'en Somniar (the dalish lullaby) comes from the World Of thedas VOL 2. and had been musically adapted by fans here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zl3CmzQY1So (the one I like the most 'cause it really sounds like a lullaby) and here : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-oji3iIail4 (more ethereal version)
> 
> The Dawn will come can be found here (and in many other videos) :  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AgYxMVRtJr4  
> or here for the "soundtrack" version : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qq8ZcIfLDUo


	4. Chapter 4

Alistair was returning to his tent when Ymlaïs approached timorously.

“I’m sorry,” she blurted.

“You do ? What do you know, wishes really come true sometimes.”

“I know... I’ve been awful to you lately. You’ve always been so kind to me. I think I took the opportunity to project all my anger and fears on you. I apologize. You are my brother in arms and … you are my family now. My only family…”

My family. Yes, that was what the Grey wardens had been for a few months for him: a family. The only one he ever had.

"And you’re mine..."

"Until you find your sister anyway», she said with a smile.

"That’s why I shouldn’t have behave like this with you. I hope you can forgive me.“

“How could I not ? You’re too pretty not to forgive. Consider it forgotten."

"Oh? Uh… Thanks."

Did he really just say "too pretty”??? Great, he wasn’t out of clumsy words yet apparently. They looked at their feet for a moment and Alistair pretended to return to his tent when she stopped him: "Alistair?"

“Yes?”

“You know… I have always respected your grief. But now, I truly understand it. If it was my clan that had been decimated at Ostagar…. I don’t think I would have gotten over it. I just wanted to say that I admire your courage. I could never replace all those brothers you lost, or Duncan...but I will be there for you. Always.”

Then, she went to her tent, leaving him baffle in the middle of the camp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> INSPIRATIONS 
> 
> Original apologize dialog can be found in the indispensable FluffyNinjaLlama  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-uZI-vnBWbo&list=PLD301678672AAB24B&index=92
> 
> My wardens words are my answer to people who complain about Alistair being "whiny".


End file.
